Holiday Stress and Divorced Parenting
Being a newly divorced parent is rarely easy, but this time of year it’s particularly important to make sure that your kids don’t feel like they are squeezed into choosing sides. Ask your children how they would like to spend the holidays, and then work hard to make that happen if at all possible (aside from a reconciliation that you know will never
work!). After all, they didn’t ask for two homes in the first place! Be sure to let your children know that you are not upset, hurt, or angry at them once you hear them out.
Following through with the plan can be extremely hard to do, particularly if they tell you they’d rather spend Thanksgiving or Christmas Day with the other parent. A slightly less blow but one that is still sometimes hard to accept is a choice of aunts/uncles/cousins/ grandparents/or family friends on the ‘other side’. Showing some flexibility and making sure never to blackmail or badmouth your ex will not only let your children know that it’s not only OK but important that they spend time with the other parent, but will also reduce your own stress and make your holidays happier, too! (Note: if there is a history of abuse or you suspect it at this time, the above suggestions are moot and you should do everything you can do keep your children safe!)
The good news is, you don’t need to throw out the holidays. Just make sure you spend some thoughtful time reaching out to your children with lots of love and understanding during a very difficult period. Although you’re bound to have bouts of guilt (whether justified or not) over time things will get better. For now, be especially aware of your children’s emotional needs and never make them feel guilty for the way things turned out.
And above all, remember that your love is the most precious thing in the world to them. Let them know through and through that they’ll always have that!
Now that’s something to celebrate!
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